ditto

Me too, I've become a pretty slack blogger too. I loved it when I made the time last November to blog everyday. It was fun challenging myself, but I was glad when the month was over too. Although I agree with Stephanie at little birds that there is something good about not spending heaps of time on the computer, I really like blogging for the reasons of staying connected, documenting life, and the way it encourages me to look at my days as they pass. Somehow even if I finish the day but have nothing to show, if I am able to blog then there is something that is a product of my day. Did that make sense?

Looking after three little ones takes up almost my entire day. By time they are all three in bed, I'm exhausted and all I want to do is sleep as well. It's okay for now, but sometimes I can get a bit funny about that there is nothing to show for my work. Yes, yes, I know I have three growing children and that is what I have to show for my efforts, but that is only in small increments that you see the "result". I also keep trying to remind myself that this is such a short season of life soon enough N won't be feeding as often, and I'll get more confident about my supply and thus will start to encourage her into more of a rhythm, rather than always willy nilly.

Most days are really good. We are having to find a new house because the owners of our current house sold our house and we have till the 7th of May to get out. For several days I felt really positive and trusting of God that He was going to provide. This week my faith has been so incredibly weak. I feel that it's been tested with a few certain situations over the past few days and I have crumbled under the weight of the tests. I end up feeling so bereft, and realize how little I have to offer God. Sometimes I know that I am tempted to think that I am inheritantly good, that I deserve some of God's kindness and grace. In my head I know this is not true, but I can still be tempted to think these sort of thoughts. I guess that's why it's good to be brought back to my knees, to see how weak I am, and to feel the truth that I deserve NOTHING but fire and heat.

We're really no closer to finding a house to live in. Today I just feel a bit burned out and so I don't even have energy to worry about the house or anything for that matter. After I finish this post, I'm going to take the little guy in the picture above, go make two teas, one for him, and one for me. Sit outside while he plays, and pour my heart out to God. I feel I need a good cry with Him. It's crazy that we are blessed when we are poor in Spirit, but I can understand why, because it brings me to God in a very real, quiet, gentle, and needing way. The need is always the same, but when I am broken, that's when I see the reality of my need.