sweet

You'll have to pass on to me tips regarding homeschooling as you go, I'm a few years off starting formally with E but would love to know of any websites etc that you find helpful. Plus, as you go with A I'd like to know if you end up doing stuff with E & K to prepare them for when they start.

I like your story of how it all came about. Isn't it cool how God works things out, His timing is always perfect.

In Australia children seem to start what's called prep when they are five. I don't entirely get it because then they go into grade one. I can't remember now, but what age do American children start school and what grade are they when they start?

I'm glad that your days without E went okay. I was praying heaps for you.

I think a lot about being a wife and mom. The past couple of days I've been thinking a lot more about the mom aspect of my life. I really want to enjoy these days with E and S and soon with the third addition. I'm not sure if it's that I'm pregnant, and just enormous, which is effecting me, but I often feel like I'm just maintaining. I want more than that. I remember my second summer as a camp counselor I decided before I arrived to camp that summer that I was going to go as hard as I could. The summer before I had spent too much time pitying myself in how hard it was, how hot it was, and how tired I was. That second summer, when I decided that I wanted to give everything my all, I continue to remember it as one of the best summers ever. I remember having so much energy, good quality experiences, and sweet moments. That's how I want to live out my life these days. To live it to the highest level, not complaining about being tired, or how it's hard, or feeling sorry for myself over things that I have no right to feel sorry for myself over. I'm not sure though what it would look like for me to live it all out to the hardest. Maybe after I'm not so huge pregnant, and not recovering from birth, I can be more physically engaged with the boys. But I'm processing how to live to the fullest even through this transition time. I don't want to look back on these days with the boys as ones where I say to myself, "I wish I had ... " I'd rather look back on it like I do the second summer as a camp counselor and feel that I made the most of the sweet opportunities that God gave me.

Change of Heart

Well, last week was a big week. E was gone and I was home alone with the girls for three full days, and after a series of events we have decided to homeschool. It has been a tug of war in my mind whether or not I should homeschool. Last week a few key moments converged and I am going to take the plunge. First I watched one of those TLC programs where the family had 16 kids and they homeschooled. They were the nicest, most grounded kids I have ever seen. In my heart I know that homeschooled kids are some of the kindest, most interesting, and mature children around. This has been the main draw for me to homeschool. Anyway, that got me thinking... Then the next day a friend from church called (she has kids similar in age to ours) and asked what I thought of the idea. If she would have called even the day before I would have said I wasn't interested, at least not next year. Well, the next day we got together for coffee and we have decided we will do what we can to help each other out. That was huge for me! She taught for 6 years before having kids and she will be a huge encouragement. Needless to say I am really exicted, it was just the push I needed.
Oh, and on the homefront, things went well with E in California. I survived!
Happy Birthday S!!

happy first birthday S!

You turned 1 yesterday. It's amazing how fast this past year has flown. I can hardly remember when you were a newborn, but at the same time I can't believe that you are one. We celebrated your birthday by having a party with the four of us in the afternoon. We decided not to do any big outings because of time constraints with you still taking two naps, and really wanting to enjoy you and not shoveling you in and out of the car. We ate mac n cheese for lunch, which you loved. Sang you happy birthday over a berry muffin with a candle in it, which you devoured in less than three minutes, the muffin that is not the candle. Then opened presents with you. E was saying to you all day "happy judy" his version of happy birthday.

You are such a joy and flirt. Whenever someone looks at you, you will either respond by wrinkling up your nose at them, or by shaking your head quickly back and forth, both done with a huge smile. This is your way of interacting, and it steals my heart. Just recently if asked for a kiss you will lean over with your mouth open. You continue to love to explore everything. Tonight we caught you climbing over a child-proof gate that had been laid on the ground. It looked very uncomfortable as with each crawl step your knee would slide in between the bars. But as soon as you got over it you turned around and climbed back the other way, to go over it again.

I love how active you are, but now that I am over 8 months pregnant, you can seriously wear me out. I look forward to sharing more life with you in the months and years to come. I pray more than anything that you will know His love and ours too. Happy Birthday!

anticipation

Pure joy. I know that there are things that I should anticipate with pure joy, like heaven. But I don't think about it enough or really feel that I do with purity. I am totally anticipating the birth of baby number 3 with joy. I was just thinking about it this morning as I was waking up. I am excited to meet this little one and start our lives together. This morning I felt for the first time excited at the possibility of not being pregnant for a long while, and just having the energy to focus on T and the little brood of 3. What excites me about this is not just having the energy, but also not anticipating another transition in our family size. Being able to get used to the five of us together and experiencing that for a good length of time. This is the first time that this has made me realize that I might actually be done, and may not want more children in the future. I'm not certain yet, we'll see. But I am excited at the possibility of spending a couple of years with just the five of us.

The video is of E and S. E just recently started picking up books and imitating the guy that leads the congregation in psalm singing in our church. S now imitates his big brother, and we have two little psalm leaders on our hands. Sometimes E will pass out other books and T and I become the congregation that he is leading. So sweet.

Dilly Bar Night

After dinner thursday night we decided to take the girls to Dairy Queen for a Dilly Bar. A was so excited and couldn't stop talking about it. I had no idea how much it would affect her. However it got me to thinking, when does someone lose that innocent, pure excitement? I remember getting that excited for a trip to Dairy Queen, but that was long ago. Is there anything that you anticipate with pure joy?

inspired

My own go, inspired by this. Not enough light, but will try again another morning.

106 blackout

Two days ago I was in the middle of changing the boys diapers (nappies) when the house got eerily silent. It took me a moment to work out what had happened, but then realized the power had gone out. It was late afternoon, and usually this shortage of power would have been no big deal, but on this day it was 106F outside and the temperature in the house was already in the 90's. I sat there for a few moments contemplating what to do. T was out with the car, so we couldn't find relief with an air conditioned car drive. I was getting hotter and hotter, and wondering how the heck I should get cooler without any fans. Finally I remembered the bath, so I undressed the boys, regretfully having to take off their clean diapers, and we all three got into a cool bath. Ah, relief. After being in the bath for about 20 minutes T came home and was a little overwhelmed. The power outage had occurred about 5 minutes after he left the home he was visiting, which caused all the stoplights to go out and many shops to close. There was mayhem on the roads. It was a massive blackout effecting Melbourne, Geelong, Ballarat, and Bendigo, basically all the major cities in the state we live in.

After our baths we all got into the car and headed down towards the bay, where we had a picnic dinner. It was definite relief. Yesterday was suppose to be as hot, but thankfully it didn't get that hot, yet tomorrow until Monday I think the heat is to resume...this will make it a bit quite on the blogging front.

The past couple of mornings I've woken up and not been able to go back to sleep. I remember this happening when I was pregnant with E and S. Why does my body not understand that it will get plenty of time to be woken up by the needs of a newborn and this is the perfect time to sleep?! Come on body, sleep. I laid in bed for over an hour and then finally got up, played a game of Catan on the computer and am now blogging. I'm going to try and go back to sleep for at least an hour? Hopefully. I just heard E moaning in his sleep, so I might not get any more sleep. Oh well, sleep is a privilege right?

KCJ, I will be praying for you. I would be dreading it too if T was leaving for even one night.

still here...

I love Seth's hair! I remember reading Jane Eyre my senior year in college, and I really liked it too. I should revisit it, I need a good book to read... Have you started another book? We have so many good books on the bookshelf that I should read but haven't yet. Eric has to start traveling again next week. I am totally dreading it. The days are so long when he is gone all night. He always puts the girls to bed, and I love having that time. His nighttime routine is to read The Chronicles of Narnia and the Bible. They really love the time with dad. When it's just me, I'm so tired by 8pm, I try to get them to bed as soon as possible. Usually I don't even read them a story. Anyway, pray for me next week...

lion

Seth is in serious need of a hair cut. I've asked a woman here for a recommendation and she's going to get back to me. Meanwhile, I might have to take matters into my own hands soon and trim his bangs (fringe). I love his long curls in the back but in general it is getting a bit out of hand. His mane is pretty cute though isn't it?

I finished Jane Eyre. Towards the end of the book I got so absorbed it was always on the back of my mind. Any free second I could find or find to squeeze in I was reading it. I didn't even take a nap for two days so that I could read it, now that tells you how much the book gripped me. I continue to think of it now, and want to re-visit the world. I tend to read books in a big hurry and know that while I'm reading it at such a rapid pace that I'll regret when it's over. Yet I can't seem to help myself.

I don't really have a lot to say, but just wanted to say hello. So hello and goodbye.

battle

At this very moment I'm in what T just put as a "battle to the death" with E. He's gotten into this really bad habit of after a few minutes of being in bed, he starts this crying noise to get our attention. If you go in he's actually jumping on his bed and whaling, but not upset at all. Last night he didn't do this, only because S was so tired that S cried himself to sleep. Which somehow overruled E crying. We've tried everything with E to overcome his crying issue. We've tried going in to see what's wrong, we've tried being sympathetic, then we've tried being stern, so now we're going to try and let him know that this behavior doesn't get our attention. He knows that if he really needs us he can call out our names. Thankfully we know him well enough to know that this "cry" isn't really a cry. It's crazy how you learn these things as a parent.

I'm glad that you only have two more weeks. I've been praying for you regularly. It's a terrible feeling to be so tired, I always hated the first trimester. Don't worry about me, I totally don't feel that I'm having to bear with you...I totally understand.

At the moment I'm also reading Jane Eyre. I'm finding it really good. The author does a good job of stirring emotion. So much of what the character Jane is going through and feeling are very common feelings, ones that I imagine many women have felt. It's not a book that I would have naturally been drawn to, so I've been a bit surprised that I've enjoyed it last night. Last night I stayed up way too late reading it, that's how much it has sucked me in.

In my Bible, I'm reading through Mark and also Proverbs. I like how in my Proverbs readings it's been a lot about seeking wisdom, and if you seek it you will find it. That's a huge comfort because I pray a lot for wisdom and it encourages me that this is something that God desires to give. Hopefully then I can have more faith in my prayers.

Battle update: After 30 minutes of the "crying" E finally started calling out my name. T and I went in together. I asked E what was wrong. E's reply was that he wanted to be put into T and my bed. That's where he sleeps during the day, and obviously he likes it. T just reflected to me that E was very smart to work out that crying lots = getting put in our bed. We did it once last week because we thought he would think it was a punishment, boy were we wrong. He's quiet now, so hopefully we are the ones that won.

It's crazy that it can turn into a battle. I guess in a lot of ways though it is a battle of the wills, who can outlast who. Let me tell you though, it is very hard to outlast a crying child, even when I know that the crying isn't really crying.

S is amazing, he was sound asleep when we went in there and didn't stir through our little talk with E.

The other book that I'm reading is called "Training Hearts Teaching Minds" by Starr Meade. We are using it for our family devotion time. I've really liked it because it goes through the basic theological principles but it always shed new light and has produced a lot of good conversation between T and I. We do our family time after dinner most nights. E doesn't understand yet, but we want him to get into the habit of sitting with us. So we all sit on the couch, E reads a book quietly while we read out loud the devotion book. S is now old enough too that he sits in my lap while we read. After we read we discuss what we read, then E and S are allowed down off the couch, and then we end by praying with one another. We were encouraged by the Elders of our church to make a habit of family time, and we've really benefited from it. It took us awhile to find a book that we liked, but this one was give to us by our elder.

Tonights topic was that God is the Creator. It talked about how the only beings on earth that create are humans. Bees make bee-hives but they make that by instinct not out of the power of creation. For example you aren't going to see a bee creating a bird's nest, or a beaver making a bee-hive. They make what they are created to make and that's it. Whereas humans create paintings, photographs, sewing, inventions, buildings, etc. T and I talked about not only do humans create but that we as humans really enjoy the process of creating and seeing what others' have created. Those are the blogs that I am most drawn to, the ones where people are creating cool things, whether it be photos or crafts or even just creative writing. I think it's cool that we derive pleasure from this aspect of being made in the image of God. The other point the book made was that God created everything out of nothing. Whereas we need paint and a canvas to create a painting, God used nothing to create all that exists. He is the only one who can do that, so we are made in His image but He continues to stand way above us. I am so thankful.

Hebrews 11:3

3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

Foolish things

I love the prayer! I've gotta check that book out from the library. E and I talk about that often, how God's way is so foolish to the world. It's interesting to try and think of my life through His lense. It's also interesting/challenging to try and live that way everyday. What other books are you reading? I just finished "On This Day," by Melody Carlson. She is a christian author who writes a lot of teen fiction. She is a super easy read and quite entertaining. I have another one of her books on hold at the library and I can't wait to pick it up.

I went to my first OB appointment today. I guess I am officially 10 weeks, two weeks left in this first trimester. She gave me a quick ultrasound, and it was great to see the baby and the heartbeat. The past few weeks I have been so flipping tired I can hardly make it through the day. However I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for bearing with me as I am in a hormone induced fog.

the valley of vision

I've just started reading a book that has a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions. The opening prayer/poem expresses perfectly what I have been learning. I wanted to share it in hopes that it might encourage you as much as it has me. I've read it a few times and still am so thankful that God's ways are so different to man's, that when we are broken then that is when we are healed and whole in Him.

Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley

- taken from The Valley of Vision collected by Arthur Bennett

"rain mama, rain"

Today as we were sitting inside, E started exclaiming "rain, mama, rain" it's been a very rare occasion in Australia, and it's even surprising that E knew what it was. It's been very hot this week, and that's one of the main reasons I haven't posted. We don't have central air, or a proper air conditioner. The room where the computers are gets the north sun, which is the hottest, plus two computers makes this room VERY HOT. The rain today was very welcome. E loves being outside, and was asking to go, so instead of saying, "no, it's raining" i said sure, let's go. We played outside in the rain for a good couple of hours. You can see the result of S being out in the rain in the photo above. He had a blast and actually ended up a lot dirtier than what the photo above shows. For some reason he has to taste everything, not just sticks, but he even climbed into the once fruitful, but now dead garden bed, and put his face down in the dirt to lick it. YUCK!

I've thought a lot about your reflections on being thankful. I too can really struggle with not being thankful. Then doing the opposite by getting bogged down in the daily mundane stuff, and get frustrated and angry over little things. The past week or so after the boys have gone to bed I have been reflecting on how blessed I am by these two little creatures. Even on the days when E wants to test me non-stop, I am blessed with the opportunity to raise two little children for Him. It is a huge privilege and each day that I've reflected I've been more thankful, and then more patient the following day.

Yesterday we were able to go to the beach in the afternoon, it was fun. I continue to enjoy the way that E and S are so different from one another. The beach we went to is where the Barwon River meets the ocean, it's called Barwon Heads. The water is quite shallow and the waves are few. Perfect for children. E liked to play more at the water's edge, while S wanted to go everywhere that his little arms and legs would carry him. He'd crawl in the water, across the water, out of the water, back into the water, and would even crawl far enough out into the water that he would have to stop and sit up because the water was starting to bob into his mouth. He doesn't get too phased about that sort of thing. He just wants to explore EVERYTHING. E is more about people, and watching people. We went to T's brother's 40th party a couple of nights ago. E sat in his high chair, with pizza in front of him (which he generally LOVES) and hardly ate a bite as he stared at all the people around him. Seemingly, taking in every little detail that occurred. It'll be interesting to see how they develop and I'm excited about how I can encourage their gifts as well as encourage them in the areas of life that they are not as naturally inclined to.

I feel like I have a lot to say, there has been a lot on my mind, but I don't want to make this too long of a post. I'll say one more thing. I've been thinking a lot about this verse: Psalm 51:17

17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

A girl from our church sent this verse to me asking for prayer regarding pride. It was perfect timing in my own life because over these past few weeks I've become very aware of terrible pride in my own life, and the corrosion that it causes. This realization has left me feeling very broken, but a good broken. The sort of broken where you feel a break from that sin, and hopeful that God is going to renew me and change me. Not to say that I've felt a break from pride itself, but more so from some of the ways that pride works itself out in my life. I see that having a broken and contrite hearts keeps me ultimately dependent on Him as I struggle to overcome this sin in my life. I know also that I cannot "try harder" to overcome this sin, but that it is only through seeking Him and moment by moment confessing my weakness. I am thankful that He is so merciful and that there is real freedom and joy in having a broken heart. He is amazing, I know to an outsider of Christianity it would seem nonsense that there is joy in brokenness, but brokenness of myself means more of Him and He is the only giver of Joy. I want more of Him and less of me!

New Year's Resolution

I have to admit we didn't make it to midnight. It's funny what having small kids will do to someone. In fact we only made it to the pathetic hour of 8pm. However the day was pretty fun, E and I actually got to go to the Denver Broncos football game, and enjoy in some savory nachos and cheese (my personal game favorite).

I like your thoughtful post about your reflection over the past year. Thinking back over our last year and looking to the year ahead, E and I are both learning about thankfulness. It should be an easy thing to remember, but so often we get caught up in the little annoying daily things that can bring us down. I have to remember "Don't get sucked in to feeling sorry for myself!" Actually one of your posts on Melmoworld has really helped me. It was the one about lack of sleep and not having self-pity. To remember that we do not deserve anything really puts a bad attitude in perspective. New Year's Resolutions: 1. I will always try and be thankful, even at 3am... 2. I will try to walk 10,000 steps a day (my brother got me a pedometer for christmas!)
That's all for now, I will keep you posted on my progress.

happy new year

I almost didn't make it last night to midnight to see the new year in. In the end we did make it, but barely, we were climbing in bed when we heard the midnight fireworks going off. While we waited for midnight to arrive, T and I discussed if we had ever gone to bed before the appointed time, this led to us reminiscing about our past new year's experiences and just life in general.

Funny how bringing in a new year can make you look back as well as forward. I think it's good to look through the perspective of the past when dreaming about the future. Piper talks a lot about this in his book Future Grace. Remembering the graces that God has given us in the past, in order to have more faith of the graces that God will give us in the future.

So what have I learned from my past as I look to my future?

• Worrying has never solved or made any situation better.
• Trying to protect myself from hurt by not trusting someone has never actually worked as a mode of protection.
• God has never let me down, even when I don't understand completely His "no's" He has given me a peace about His actions.
• The times where I have loved ruthlessly have been much sweeter moments then the ones where I got hung up on my insecurities.

I'm sure if I sat and thought about the list longer, I could think of more. These were the first few that came to mind, and I think that these are the main topics on my mind at the moment. These are all things that I hope to learn from and can apply in life. I'd like to not worry, trust God and T implicity, and love ruthlessly and freely those around me through God's love.